Child Favoritism and It's Negative Effects

As a parent, your duty is to love, care for and help steer your child in the right direction. As simple as the duties of a parent sound, believe me, it is a full time job just like any other task which comes with it's own share of colorful words. As a parent, you will experience a lot of different experiences while you and your child/children grow together. Nothing is standard in the world of parenting when you are raising dynamic children living in a dynamic world. You have to prepare to be flexible, strong, witty and very observant as a parent. One of the greatest challenges of being a parent though (for many people) is actually dealing with your child. You would think that this comes standard but i can assure you that many parents all over the world wish that their kids came with certain buttons they could switch on and off when the time is appropriate. But of course we all know that a parent's task can never be made simple and thus we have to simply deal with situations with our children as they arrive.

Why Parents Show Favoritism

Many parents may exhibit signs of favoritism towards a particular child in multi-child families. This type of behavior is nothing new and favoritism will continue to be a part of many family. But why do parents show favoritism, what would cause one child to be favored over another? Lets look at why some parents do favoritism.

• Parents are humans and have preference like any other human being. They have likes and dislikes and will find favor in a child which exhibits many qualities which will sway them much more to that child.
• The child or children may have personality, beliefs, & interests which are similar to the parents. It is quite easy for a parent to be caught up in this particular child as it may seem that they have much more in common.
• The child or children may have a prodigious talent that stands out from other children.
• The child or children may be the manageable, compliant child that the parents adores. Parents usually favor the child or children who conform to the particular familial/parental paradigm.

Simple Ways Parents Show Favoritism

As it relates to the favorite child

1. Best Piece of Cake
2. Better or more toys
3. Talks more with that child/Shows more interest
4. Child may get a simple slap on the wrist for doing wrong
5. Gets much more approval. Parents often say yes.
6. Praised often
7. Easier to get money from parent
8. Plays with the child more
9. Gives deeper hugs

The Other Child/Children

Is there any good in favoritism? Well, in order to be fair, we have to look at the issue from different perspectives both in and outside the box. Even though we know that all children should be loved, does that love mean that all children should be loved equally?
It would be a terrible feeling as a child to grow in a household which exhibits clear favoritism to one child simply because he is a football prodigy or she is the aspiring and talented ballerina. What if the child on the other side of the fence is just a good kid who does what he/she is suppose to do,has no aspiration of becoming a pro footballer or the next Beyonce? That child is a real good kid, yet still is less favored because of lack lust talent. The other child or children may begin to develop certain thinking and belief about themselves and their parents. Some of which may not lead to anything wonderful.
The child may begin to believe that he is not loved and his/her parents only love and appreciate the favorite child. If the favoritism is at a level where the child is punished for wrong and the favorite does wrong and is either not punished or punished even less, than a deep resentment will develop by the least favorite child towards the most favorite child. This will eventually result in arguments between siblings, avoidance, and even fights.
The least favorite child may feel cornered, boxed in and feel like he has no one by his side no matter what he does. There are however those stronger kids who know that the other sibling is the parents favorite but will just simply ignore it and continue just being who they are.

Possible Positive Effects of Favoritism

One can argue that favoritism with one child may be justified if a particular child is just a rotten apple and refuses to walk a good path set out in guidance by his parents. If the child exhibits attitude and character which does not conform to goodness such as substance abuse, etc. Then favoritism is inevitable and will come on naturally with the other child. But a human emotion has no clear prediction, as even if your child is a rotten apple, he may still be his parents favorite because of that different spark in him/her. But favoritism towards the good child may allow the child with less liked behavior to try to adjust his/her attitude to try and solicit needed love from his/her parents. Naturally, if a child is good, and does good things, then that child must be rewarded. These rewards can also be a driving force for a child who is not a favorite because of attitude and bad character to automatically adjust to simple enjoy the fruits of being good.

Parents In Denial

Even though parents proclaim that they don't practice favoritism, children know that it is a lie. Just look who gets the biggest piece of chicken after Dad and you know who is the favorite. Children know when favoritism is practiced. There are positive & negative aspects of favoritism. Favorite children may be treated preferentially but they have undue debt to their parents. They oftentimes have to subvert their true selves in order to be in their parents' favor. They also incur jealousy from the other children in the family. Why parents deny favoritism is simply to make all the children think or believe that the spread of love is equal, equal until your sister gets both parents tell her goodnight stories and kiss her on the forehead goodnight and you just hear your door slam shut and the voice of mom and or dad shouting goodnight while heading down the stairs.
There are so many things which exhibits favoritism and it happens so often that parents don't even see it as favoritism, they are so in denial about it that they just consider those little things as just doing what parents should be doing. They do it so often they become blind or unaware that they practice it. But parents, take a look again how you handle each child, look at the tiny things and look at the larger things. Observe any difference in treatment, you may just discover that you have been practicing favoritism for a long time.